Love advice from a Brit
by LovingthesuninSA
Summary: Arthur Kirkland is forced to secretly write the Aunty Agony column in the Gakuen Gazette to bring advice to students a week before prom. Somehow, the Brit manages to form quite a few couples! Meanwhile, Prussia has jumbled up a list of pairings he stole from Hungary and realises with horror that they are coming true!
1. Chapter 1-Forced Positions

**Author's note:**

**Just so you know, this story includes multiple ships: DenNor, LietPol, PruHun, CanAme, NetherBel, SpaRom and UK/? (NOT A FRUK OR USUK story) but if you want a pairing with a non paired character you can request it. I already have the mystery person for England though! Sorry for this note, just wanted to "warn" you!**

**Enjoy!**

« No, no, no ! » Arthur Kirkland exclaimed angrily, pushing the French student away. "But Arthur"- the other one said. "NO! I refuse to take your position as writer of that STUPID Aunty Agony column!" the Brit said irritably. "Besides, why on earth are you asking me?! I'm BRITISH, not FRENCH! I don't spout romantic nonsense and advice!" Arthur asked. Francis Bonnefoy, standing opposite him, laughed. "_Justement_, it would be refreshing to have some OTHER advice than mine!" "Well, I don't care. The answer is NO."

Francis pouted. "_Allez_, I really need your help! I'm going away for the week and I HAVE to give advice or I'll get kicked out of the Gakuen Gazette!" "I don't CARE!" Arthur whined. "How many times to I have to say it! Besides, you can EMAIL your so-called advice to Kiku!" The French boy shook his head miserably. "Ah, but I am going to _un trou perdu_ with no Internet! Therefore I MUST have you do my job!" Seeing that the British boy wasn't giving in, he changed tactics. "Well, in that case, I will have no choice but to publish this unfortunate photograph of you in the next issue!" Francis said innocently.

"W-what photograph?" Arthur stuttered, then flushed angrily as he saw what the other was waving in front of him. "Wha-How-I-ugh…" he finished lamely. "This is blackmail!" Francis did not reply, as he was laughing in his typical way. "Ohonhonhonhon~"

"…Fine." Flashing a wide smile that would have made a lady swoon, Francis handed over the picture which Arthur immediately ripped to bits. "Copies?" the bitter student asked, as the other shaked his head. "_Non_." "There better not be."

As the French student skipped out of the room, Arthur sank to the desk groaning. "Heavens! Why me?!" To make matters worse, he now had to give love advice (Bloody hell) to students _a week before prom_ (shoot me now). With a muffled sob, the Brit pulled himself out of his chair and left the room.

This was going to be a LONG week.

Justement: Precisely

Allez: Come on

Trou perdu: middle of nowhere

Non: No


	2. Chapter 2-Gakuen Gossip

**Yay. Chapter two. I am so slow. Ugh. Anyway, have some Prussian awesomeness to make up for the delay.**

« Kesesese…. » Gilbert Beilschmidt chuckled as he sneaked into the Gakuen Hetalia newspaper club's HQ. Behind him, his best friend Antonio followed suit meekly. The only missing part of the trio was Francis, who was visiting family somewhere for the week. Antonio and Gilbert had been very bored, so Gil, the troublemaker of the group, had suggested they go cause havoc in the newspaper. Specifically, in the Gakuen Gossip column. Which just so happened to be run by Elizaveta Herdevary, Gilbert's number one enemy (well, except for Ivan, the Russian student, but that was different.) Gil's idea was basically to grab her article and mess it up to ruin her reputation as best match guesser in school.

This was the reason Toni was currently standing at the door, looking out for her, while Gilbert sneaked over to the corner of the room. The albino immediately spotted the computer, dragged it out and opened the "Documents" folder. His eyes scanned the list of folders. "Ha!" he exclaimed, finding the "Gossip"one. He clicked on it, then swore. "_Dumkopf_! Of course they'll have passwords!" He hesistated, looking at the clue ("nine letters"), then typed in "yaoilover" into the computer.

Besides being the person Elizaveta fought with the most, Gilbert was also her longest friend. When they were kids, they had been inseparable, until she started behaving more "womanly" and deemed him uncouth (especially when she met his cousin Roderich Edelstein). After that, they had full on hated each other, with Gil scorning her and Eliza hitting him, and they were now in the bickering/fighting stage where they both enjoyed coming up with insults for one another. This whole thing meant that Gilbert knew her pretty well.

The computer beeped and he frowned. He sighed. There were too many things to think about. He stared out of the window, wondering what she was looking at when she wrote her password. Suddenly, Gil started. From here, he could clearly see the "Bad Touch Tree" where he, Toni and Francis hung out. An illumination strook him and he typed in "fryingpan" into the slot. Bingo.

Seeing Gil must have made her annoyed, which must have made her think of her favorite weapon to use on him: her frying pan. Gil grinned, then scrolled down until her found the most recent document. He smirked victoriously, then opened it.

_Gakuen Gossip__-by Elizaveta Herdevary_

_Prom Presumptions!_

_A week and a day before the school prom, and rumors are flying around. Who will go with whom? What couples will form? _

_Great mystery still surrounds our school heroes. Will Alfred F. Jones, our number one sportsman, go with the British gentelman we all know? Or maybe with Kiku Honda?_

_Here are my guesses as to what will be the most likely duos for the Prom!_

A list of couples followed and Gilbert smiled. Perfect. Now all he needed to do was jumble the names around so that her predictions would turn out wrong and her reputation would crumble. He pulled out his IPhone, plugged it into the Mac, and clicked on the JUMBLR! application he had gotten from an obscure site. In a second, the names were misplaced, and the boy rubbed his hands together. The last thing he had to do was replace the page with his version in the newpaper draft, and they would publish it tonight. He clicked on the print button and waited. Just as he grabbed the sheet, however, the door swung open with a crash. Gilbert froze and stuffed the piece down his pocket. "BEILSCHMIDT?! What are you doing here?" someone screeched, and he turned to find Elizaveta glaring at him, frying pan in hand. "!" the Prussian thought, then dashed for the door. Elizaveta was about to stop him and beat him up when she saw the Mac and rushed over to see if she could repair whatever damage he had caused. Gilbert ran away to safety, cursing a Spanish boy as he went. Eliza sighed, relieved, when she saw that he hadn't finished his job properly. She deleted the document and wiped her forehead. Close call. "I'll beat him up later." She thought. She smiled wryly as she noted that the other had somehow guessed her password. Heh.

They just knew each other too well…


	3. Chapter 3-Let the love begin!

**Hi, Awesome Maple here, sorry for the delay AGAIN, hope you enjoy this chapter where poor Arthur is creeped by the letters he got!**

"ANTONIO!" an angry albino charged towards his friend with rage in his eyes. "Heh, _hola_ Gilbert!" the Spaniard said nervously. Gilbert scowled darkly at him, then added: "Weren't you, by any chance, meant to keep guard in case the psycho Hungarian turned up?" Antonio paled. "Oh, I am so sorry! You see, I saw Lovi falling down the stairs over there and so I-" The other groaned. Anything involving the angry Italian would've pulled his friend away. "Ugh, you suck." the Prussian declared. "Ah, I am really sorry, Gil! _Quieres una tomate para te sentir mejores?"_ Antonio asked. "No, quiero that you talk in English, retard." Gil said, lightly hitting him on the back of his head.

Antonio grinned sheepishly. "Ah, I'm really sorry though…" Gilbert rolled his eyes. "Fine, whatever, but if Elizaveta catches me you're going down with me." He turned and noticed his friend looking at him closely. "What?!" he asked. "Huh?" Antonio asked, snapping out of it. "Can't take your eyes off me, Toni. Now, I know that I'm awesomely good looking, but…" the teenager drawled. The two laughed. "Nah, I just, uh, zoned out." Antonio said. His friend frowned. Toni was not a good liar. Oh, well. He was probably dreaming about Lovino or something. With a shrug, Gilbert started walking towards the bad Touch Tree, Antonio at his side.

"YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!" an angry Brit exclaimed. He stared in dismay at the large heap of letters on the desk before him. He had just opened the locker with the letters for the week, and now… "Damn that idiot…" Arthur groaned. The week before prom! Of course there was going to be a ton of letters! He started panicking at the sheer amount. "Calm down, Arthur, it's going to be ok, what about you sort them into categories?" he told himself. Arthur took a deep breath, then sat down and read the first letter.

_Dear Aunty Agony,_

_I like an awesome person who totally deserves me, but sadly, they seem to hate me…I always act super friendly and affectionate to them, but they just glare at me or complain about me being a Dani-uh, I mean, just an idiot. I dunno though, I think they like me…_

_Any advice would be cool!_

The British boy frowned. "Well, that can go in the, uh, love/hate pile!" he thought. He placed it aside.

_Um, hi!_

_I like this person who is kinda my best friend…We've had falling outs but we're really close…Anyway, I would really like to ask them to prom but the person is really unpredictable and if they say no it'll be really akward…What should I do?_

_Thank you very much!_

"Uhhhhh….The akward relationship pile?" Arthur mused. "Yes, that'll do." He placed the letter neatly on the desk.

_I would like to ask an amazing girl to prom. Two problems: one, she is my sister. Ok, so we're different here at Gakuen. Nations and all that. But still. Two: I think she wants to go with this total retard I absolutedly detest. What should I tell her?_

_PS: You give me bad advice and I will kill you with your own shiny hair, Frenchy._

Arthur's eyes bulged as he read the last part. Hey! A chance to get the frog killed! He was going to enjoy himself after all! He sobered again when he remembered the pile of letters he had left. "Brother/sister complex?"

"…"

"Man, this sucks."

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL?!" Arthur screeched, looking at the three piles of sorted letters. "WHAT OS WRONG WITH THIS PLACE?!" The three cathegories had been the ONLY ONES he had! The smallest one was the akward relationships one, followed by the quite large "Brother/sister" one, while the "Love/Hate" one fairly reached the ceiling. "I'm surrounded by maniacs…" he sighed. "I guess I should start answering…"

**There, you'll be able to read his "advice" for four of the letters in Chapter 3!**

**Guess who wrote those three? If you guess right you win a prize!**

**Hah. Well.**

Hola: hello

Quieres una (..) mejores?: Do you want a tomato to feel better?


	4. Chapter 4-Start of the problems

**Ahhhh, I took so long to resume writing! *sweatdrops***

**Anyway, I'll start writing more soon when school is out, which is soooooooonnnn. Here goes with the first part of the first pairing: Liet/Pol!**

* * *

With an evil smirk, Arthur slid the first letter of advice through the letterbox. He had tried his best to write a letter of terrible advice, so that that annoying frog would get in trouble. Looking around to check no one was in sight, Arthur slipped out of the way.

* * *

_Aunty Agony_ by Francis Bonnefoy

_Um, hi!_

_I like this person who is kinda my best friend…We've had falling outs but we're really close…Anyway, I would really like to ask them to prom but the person is really unpredictable and if they say no it'll be really akward…What should I do?_

_Thank you very much!_

Dear mysterious person,

In this case, the only thing you should do is to make this person EXTREMELY jealous. Like, the I-will-never-talk-to-you-again type of jealous. Why? No questions. Trust me. I'm French.

* * *

Gilbert was lying upside down in his chair, which was in his opinion the only proper way to sit in a chair. Too bad his teachers disagreed. He was staring at the list he had printed out. It seems the application had an evil mind, as it had paired up nearly all the least likely people together. The first pairing on the list already made him chuckle. "Toris and Feliks?" Gilbert laughed. "Are you kidding me? Toris would never be brave enough to actually get a move on!" Just as he said this, however, the second bell rang, indicating the self-proclaimed Prussian was now late for History (in his opinion, the dumbest class ever made). Sighing lazily, he got up and headed over to his class. Then choked. "WASS THE-?!"

* * *

**DRAMATIC ENDING DUM DUM DUMMMMMM**

**Ah, man, Gil and Arthur are going to be so creeped by the end of the fic!**


	5. Chapter 5-Like, not nice!

**Poland and Lithuania are so cute. And yes, I totally think that Poland would be in the yaoi camp. **

**Ah, well. Here you go! **

* * *

Toris Laurinaitis was actually a quite mild-mannered and relaxed boy. Being constanly bullied by Ivan Braginski and having a total ditz as best friend, however did nothing to encourage this side of him, so Toris ended up being, well, worried, about 24/7. However, for once, Toris was not worried about either of the aforementioned things. Well. It did concern his Polish friend. But it mostly concerned the fact that he had read Aunty Agony's reply in the Gakuen Gazette and was now trying to listen to the advice.

Sure, Toris trusted Francis enough (not really, but on this subject, yes). Getting the guts to do the weird thing the French kid had told him to do, however, was a different issue.

How on EARTH was he meant to get Feliks jealous? Feliks never got annoyed! Ever! Ok, maybe once or twice he had seen him determined, but most of the time, well…

"Oh, man, grow a pair!" a voice chided him mentally. The voice was that annoying one he heard quite a lot, and which sounded weirdly like a mix between Gilbert Beilschmidt and Natalya Arlovskaya, which was a mix that made his head ache.

"Fine!" Toris mentally replied. "I'll do it!" "Like, do what, Toris?" The Lithuanian paled, realising that he had spoken out loud. An idea started forming in his mind as he turned toward the blonde sitting lazily in front of him. "I'll…ask a person to prom." The Pole's eyes seemed to widen slightly under his heavy eyelids. "OMG, seriously?!" "He doesn't seem very jealous to me…" Toris thought miserably.

"Yeah…" he answered. "Like, who is it?" Feliks asked, sitting straighter in his chair. "Maybe he does care?" "Uhhh…someone amazing…" Toris improvised. His friend fixed him. "Hmm?" "Someone…brilliant…" "Mhhhm?" "Someone…I couldn't live without..."

The blonde nearly fell off his chair at this. "Soooo…it's, like, serious, then?"

"Is this working? Oh my god, I think it's working!" Putting on his best poker face, Toris looked his friend right in the eyes. "Yeaahhh…" "So…You have, like, a crush on someone?" "Uhh…Not a crush, no…" Feliks leaned back ever so slightly, looking almost…relieved? Not believing his luck, the brunette pushed on."It's more than that."

For future reference, Toris always swore that at that moment, the other's eyes had actually opened. The afore-mentioned other swore he didn't know what Toris was, like, talking about.

"What?!"

"Yup."

"WHAT?!"

"Uh, are you OK?"

Toris noted that his friend's eyes had been hardening suddenly. They seemed to have been made from some kind of green rock. "Feliks?" "Yeah, whatever, dude. I was planning on going with someone else too." Toris suddenly realised he was losing him. "Screw Francis! Ask him!" Gil-talya said.

Toris gulped. "Yeah, I haven't asked them yet…I guess I should make a move before that brilliant, hilarious, awesome and basically perfect person goes with someone else…So…Will you go with me to prom?" Face flushing by the milisecond, Toris saw the incomprehension, then the lightbulb go off in his eyes. He was about to stutter an apology and run when he was suddenky knocked off his chair in a takle hug. "TORIS! OMG! THAT IS, LIKE, SO MEAN! I TOTES THOUGHT YOU MEANT SOMEONE ELSE!" The Lithuanian stood up, relieved. "So…yes?"

"Duh!" the other rolled his eyes. At that, Toris could not hide his wide smile. He caught Feliks' eyes and to his horror, burst out giggling. The blonde joined in and soon they were practically crumpled on the ground, laughing hysterically for no reason whatsoever. "Must. Get. Air." Toris wheezed out between giggles. His friend reached for the handle and pressed against it until he fell out of the door onto the floor. He looked up at Toris.

"…"

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

So much for that, then.

* * *

Gilbert hurried along to History. Sure, he didn't like it, but the Italian twins' uncle Roman taught it, and he was pretty epic. Gilbert had the best marks in anything regarding military, so Roman and him were on good terms, which Gilbert didn't want to ruin. Plus, he would be safer there, far away from Eliza Herdevary's evil frying pan. He slowed down to a stroll as he reached the large parc at the left of the campus.

A bunch of students were gathered around a stage where the **(American) **football team was giving a speech. Well. More like Alfred F Jones was giving a heroic monologue and the others were dreaming of leaving. Although Alfred's speeches were repetitive, he liked gesturing wildly, which made them very much more amusing than, for example, Arthur Kirkland's ones, or even his own brother Ludwig. Gilbert groaned internally at the thought of one of his brother's lectures.

He caught Matthew Williams' eye and winked at him. Gil and Matthew, though practically polar opposites, were quite good friends. Matthew rolled his eyes at Alfred's speech. The two were bros who creepily resembled each other, even though they swore to have no family ties whatsoever. Gilbert laughed and continued his way. There was the History class, right next to the library, a place where Gilbert had sworn never to put his feet.

As he came closer, he heard the sound of annoying blabbing coming his way. As he turned around, he nearly fell over in surprise. There were Feliks and Toris. Walking hand in flipping hand. He wouldve stayed and gawked if the door hadn't suddenly swung open to reveal Vash Zwingli, his dsitant cousin. "There you are! Get in. Mr Roman was just about to send me to get you." Gilbert, still in shock, thought distantly that he was damn lucky the trigger-happy Swiss and his multiple guns hadn't found him.

Then he entered the class. But not before hearing Alfred's speech abrubtly cut off and a microphone clattter to the ground.

* * *

**MORE CLIFFHANGERS! MWAHAHAHA!**


	6. Chapter 6-This advice seems legit!

**On a side note, happy St-Jean Baptiste aka Quebec Day to all my lovely Quebequoise friends! **_**Ben, t'sais comme genre que c'est le jour du Québec, pis en tout cas, j'espère que vous aurez une mautadine de belle journée, la! **_**I know this will be published after that, but whatever!**

* * *

Arthur was whistling the Lord of the Rings soundtrack to himself when he bashed into that Hungarian girl. "You're certainly in a hurry." The Brit remarked dryly. The girl flushed. "Need photos for-"She seemed to stutter briefly. "For the newspaper!" She exclaimed. "Photos of what?" Arhur asked. "Oh, you haven't heard? Feliks and Toris are going to prom toegether!" At this moment, the girl positively squealed. "W-what?!" The boy spluttered. Feliks and Toris?! "Apparently Toris got advice from Francis!" Elizaveta giggled, then froze. "Someone kissed!" She muttered, then ran off at full speed. Arthur shivered.

"Crazy girl…" He suddenly stiffened. Advice from Francis? But that must mean-"My advice worked?!"

In truth, Toris had been so happy that he had forgotten about the near chaotic turn of events and had spread the info that he had managed it thanks to the Aunty Agony column. Arthur gave a groan. "How did that even work?!"

He straightened, and resolutedly marched off to his dorm. Grabbing his hidden stash of letters fom under the bed, he yanked it out and looked at his second letter. "This time, I'll mess up so badly they'll definitely blame Francis!", the boy thought as he reread the letter. A smirk formed on his lips. Grabbing a pen, he started to write.

* * *

**Aunty Agony by Francis Bonnefoy**

_Dear Aunty Agony,_

_I like an awesome person who totally deserves me, but sadly, they seem to hate me…I always act super friendly and affectionate to them, but they just glare at me or complain about me being a Dani-uh, I mean, just an idiot. I dunno though, I think they like me…_

_Any advice would be cool!_

Dear Anonymous,

What about you go attempt to kill yourself? Then the other person can rescue you and will discover their true feelings for you! Trust me! I'm French!

* * *

Chuckling darkly to himself, Arthur was about to start on a second letter when he heard a door slam open. He froze, then slammed the letters under him with superhuman speed. He turned around to find a pair of green eyes fixing him unblinkingly. "Um…Hello, Adri?" he saluted weakly. "D'you know where my cousin is, Kirkland?" she asked him coldly, eyes narrowing at whatever he was sitting on. "Um…I think Lars is having lunch?" he said, noting angrily that he managed to make it sound like a question once again. The South African girl nodded, turned on her heel and left, long hair swishing as she went. Only then did Arthur wonder how the hell she had gotten the key to the boy's dorms.

"WHAT THE-!"

* * *

**Short chapter, sorry, but I wanted to break it up in two parts because Prussia's part is long, hah. Yes, hello there, South Africa, ain't you a little ray of sunshine!**

**Hope you enjoyed and please review!**


	7. Chapter 7-Shocked Americans

**Well, apologies are very due but I had no Internet seeing as my wifi box crashed so I guess that's an excuse? Anyway, happy (late) Canada day to one of the awesomest countries EVER! Also happy (late) Independence day to all the Yanks out there!**

**Now comes my way to slide in one of my OTPs while writing a chapter about another one of them. Hope you like it!**

* * *

His awesomeness Gilbert Beilschmidt immediately sensed something was afoot when he noticed Vash's cheek muscles twitching after closing the door. Also, his cousin was pink around the ears, a sure sign of embarrassment. But though he continued poking him from behind for the whole lesson, Vash did not seem to want to share the punch. With an annoyed huff, Gil had sat waiting for the lesson to end, but before he could even approach the Swiss student after class, the other had pulled out a gun that he seemed to always carry around and pointed it at the Prussian's face. The boy had given up and headed towards the cafeteria for lunch.

Really, he thought to himself, the school might have all the anti-weaponry rules they wanted but they never seemed to do much about it. Nearly everyone at school had some kind of dangerous item at least in there dorm, and quite a few of them carried it around 24/7. For example, Ivan with his pipe, Natalya with her knife, that Hungarian psycho with her frying-pan, Vash with his gun(s?), Kiku with a freaking _katana_, for God's sake…

His train of thought was interrupted as he arrived behind the line of students waiting to eat. Smirking, he walked past the bunch of younger kids, pausing to ruffle his brother's perfectly groomed hair and earning a glare from the afore-mentioned Ludwig.

Laughing, the albino strutted to the platters, grabbed what he needed, and continued to the food. He winked at Mrs Kirkland, the Kirkland boys' mom, who had offered to replace their cafeteria lady for the week because "she was looking for something else to do". Luckily for the students, unlike Arthur, she could actually cook. She rolled her eyes, served him, and went to help the next student, Raivis Galante, to reach the food he was trying to get.

Gilbert spotted Toni waving at him and headed to the table where they usually sat. He noted something immediately, because Wednesday was always Mattie day. "Hey, where's Birdie?" he asked inquiringly. "He's in his dorm, but _amigo_, I think you should know that-"Antonio stopped when he saw his friend run off. "Oh, _dios_…" he said worriedly.

* * *

"HEYYYYYY BIRDIE!"

Matthew groaned at hearing Gilbert's voice fill the dorm. He was already in a very bad mood, and if the Prussian had come to taunt him, then…"Wha?" he asked, rolling off the bunk he was lying on and staring at the other, trying to see if his eyes seemed particularly evil.

"What're you doing here? We're waiting for you!" the boy exclaimed. "And making me wait is totally unawesome coming from you!" Matthew blinked. Gilbert was obliviously Gilbert, which could only mean one thing…

-"Gil? You haven't heard yet, have you?

-Heard what?

-Oh, maple…"

The blonde sighed, then looked away. "You know how the school's been abuzz since before lunch?"

"Yeah?"

"And you know how Alfred was giving a speech right before?"

"Yeah..."

"…"

Gilbert suddenly sat up straight. "Oh, Mattie, what did you do?!" he exclaimed, grabbing the Canadian's head and turning it so they sat facing each other. "Are you okay? What happened? Do I have to go beat someone up?" Matthew let out a snort at the last one, which relieved Gil ever so slightly. "I am perfectly capable of defending myself, thanks, Beilschmidt." He looked away.

"I guess I might as well tell you now…"

The younger boy took a deep breath, straightened his glasses, stared at the ceiling, and started telling his story.

"Al was going on and on about him defeating the other team and I was getting tired of it. I mean, ok, it's Alfred, and ok, he did do a lot, but if I heard him say the word hero one more time I was going to explode. I swear to God, that guy…" Matthew paused, then continued. "And I was just feeling so exasperated and I wanted to shut him up and I couldn't think of anything else to do and then-"He took a deep breath, flushed scarlet, and mumbled something. "Just cause you're invisible twenty-four/seven doesn't mean you've got to be mute as well, dude." Gilbert noted sarcastically. Matthew smiled weakly, then said rushedly: "So then I kissed him."

"…"

"WHAAT?!"

"AH, maple! I knew you'd react like that! I just wanted to shut him up! (I mean, it was pretty funny when he dropped the mike and turned scarlet and all, but still!) Why is everyone so annoying about this?! Of course I have to be invisible all the rest of the time, but poof! Suddenly everyone and their mom is like, omg he kissed Alfred!" Matthew exclaimed angrily.

"Hey, calm down, Matt, I was just surprised!" Gilbert stated. "Geez, you're one sarky smart-ass when you feel like it..." He added. Matthew smiled wryly. "But seriously though, dude, it's fine if you're, like, you know…Gay…" Matthew was about to interrupt when the Prussian continued: "I mean, look at your cousin! He'd date anything with two legs and he's part of the Bad Touch Trio!" Matthew grinned slightly, then said: "But I don't even know if I am…I don't even know what I'm thinking anymore…" There was a pregnant pause, then Gil asked the question that had been hovering around school all day. "But do you, uhm, love him?"

This was the true question; Matthew and Alfred had been bros since forever, and they were always Matt and Al, the two friends forever. They even LOOKED creepily similar, but they swore having no family ties whatsoever, and seeing as Matt had Francis as a cousin and Alfred had Arthur, no one insisted on that. Putting that aside, Alfred was always the ladies' man and the popular guy, so if they were together…

Matthew hid his face in his pillow and sighed. "That absolute retard? Yeah, I do."

* * *

**Ahaha, I love making Alfred embarassed. Next up, Den/Nor!**


	8. Chapter 8-Dansk idiot

**Oh, Denmark ! You can be an idiot, sometimes ! Finally a long chapter!**

* * *

That evening, Gilbert walked back from class to his dorm. The rest of the day had been uneventful (well, as uneventful as you could have at their crazy school), but he was still in slight shock. Opening the door to his room, he found Antonio sitting on the sofa watching TV, oblivious to his surroundings, and Alfred standing dazedly in the middle of the room.

"Hey, Al! _Wass_ the hell are you doing here? This isn't your dorm!", he exclaimed, waving his hand in front of the blond's face. Alfred blinked. "Huh?" "Yeah! You share a dorm with Carlos, Matt and Juan in the North American section!" At the mention of the word Matt, Alfred's face suddenly turned a bright shade of red, to which Gilbert yanked out his phone and snapped a photo. "Eliza must be rubbing off on me," he thought dryly as he stored his phone away.

"Oh! Yeah! Mattie! Yeah! I gotta go see him!" Alfred turned around confusedly, then spotted the door and rushed out, but not before hitting three poles on the way, to the great amusement of Arthur, who was going to his dorm.

Gilbert chuckled to himself and climbed up the ladder leading to his bunk. He was about to get his phone out when he spotted the list he had crumpled up earlier. "Meh, I guess the awesome me could do with a laugh," he thought, opening it.

He read the first pairing, then stiffened. "T-toris and Feliks? They _are _going together!"he thought. "Coincidence…"Trying to reassure himself, he looked at the second one, and let out a yelp. Matt and Alfred?! What was up with this list?! Gilbert let out a forced laugh. It was just two pairs, for goodness' sake! He looked at the third, then let out a relieved breath. Matthias and Lukas? Fat chance there! Lukas couldn't bear the Dane! Relaxing slightly, the albino stored the list away. "Let's hope the Hungarian chick never gets her hands on this…" he murmured sleepily.

* * *

Elizaveta sat up straight. "I've GOT to go and see Gilbert tomorrow morning.", she thought suddenly and for no reason. Then she flopped down again and fell asleep.

* * *

Matthias was beginning to feel cold. Sure, it was spring, but it was rainy and his toes were freezing. Not that he wasn't used to the cold, but he had been waiting here in his nightgown for three hours. The reason behind this unlikely pilgrimage? The letter he had gotten from Francis.

At the moment, Matthias wanted one thing, and that thing was Lukas Bondevik. Also known as, the unattainable lithe Norwegian who hated his guts. The five Nordic students were all close (though not necessarily on friendly terms) but Lukas loathed being in the loud and friendly Dane's presence. Matthias, as a last resort, had therefore asked Francis for help in his Aunty Agony column.

To clarify, Matthias WASN'T a happy-go-lucky dumbass. Sure, he acted stupid at times, but he was smart enough, he just didn't bother to show it. He could, however, sense logic behind the order in Francis' letter.

"Norge" went for walks in the evenings, and he would pass the bridge at one moment. Matthias could jump off into the strong current, get rescued (because Lukas wouldn't want him to actually die, right?) and ask him to prom. The finer details of his plan were admittedly fuzzy, but whatever.

The only problem was that Lukas wasn't turning up…

Just as the Dane thought this, however, he heard the unmistakable crunching of shoes around the corner. Without pausing, he took a breath and jumped into the icy water. The shock was so strong he nearly swallowed a liter.

* * *

Lukas strolled peacefully along the path. He was arriving at the high bridge where he would stop his walk and turn back. These walks were so peaceful. He could finally think and talk to th pixies without someone disturbing him. Suddenly, however, he heard a loud coughing noise from the water. Slightly startled, the blonde moved to the rail and looked over. There, flailing and spitting out water, was the unmistakable figure of Matthias Kohler. Lukas gave a sigh. Great. He started smiling rather quickly, however, at the look on the Dane's face. Matthias in pain? He was going to enjoy himself after all.

He was peacefully watching with a sort of morbid interest when he suddenly found himself looking straight into the other's eyes. A wide smile immediately appeared on the Danish boy's face. "Lukas! Help me!" he exclaimed.

"Why should I do that?" the Norwegian asked, raising an eyebrow. "I came to find you and I was looking at the water when I suddenly fell in!" Matthias half-lied. Lukas felt his stomach twitch slightly at the fact that this was his fault, but he shook it away. "Well, that's your fault. It's not like you can't swim anyway." Matthias groaned. "But the water's too strong and I'm getting tired!" Lukas rolled his eyes. "Pff, don't give me that nonsense. You've dived off waterfalls and been fine."

Matthias mentally cursed himself. He was one of the best swimmers in the year! How had he expected to get Lukas to help him? He paddled,watching the Norwegian stand up to leave when he suddenly felt his arm burn like crazy.

Lifting it up incredulously, he found a wide and bloody gash in his arm. While waving his arms, he had apparently hit right into a spike sticking out of the side of the bridge. With a mounting sense of panic, the spiky haired boy noted that he was getting pulled into the increasingly dangerous waters. Matthias' swimming strength lied in his arms, and what good was he with one functioning arm?!

"Lukas! Help!" he shouted. The Norwegian paused, but then continued walking on. "Help! I'm hurt! Help!" Lukas, however, did not seem to believe him, as he edged further into the path. Matthias could feel the current fighting him, feel how his head was sinking increasingly lower every time he was pulled down, and in a last attempt, he shouted out:"_Vennligst_!", hoping that the little Norwegian he could speak hadn't abandoned him completely.

He saw Lukas' back stiffen, then saw him walk further. His heart sinking, his strength failing, Matthias cursed himself. If he drowned, what a laughing stock he would be! Drowned for the love of someone who wouldn't even care! Indeed, he'd probably be glad!

Matthias felt the water pull him under. He waved his good arm and kicked his legs with all his might, managing to get his head slightly out, but then he was under again, and it was too much for him. He felt his lungs straining,his eyes burning, his arm was on fire… Tried to grasp the air once more…

He forced himself to close his eyes and find something happy to think of as his body abandoned him. Nothing came to his mind, and he was suddenly scared, but then- He thought of being a kid and playing around in the woods, when the five of them were still tight, smiled weakly…But suddenly two arms were pulling him, he was gasping for air, choking on water, someone was dragging him out and away, and his head was hitting the ground as a pair of very angry violet eyes glared at him.

"_Dansk idiot_! _Du-_" he paused, switching back to English. "You nearly got yourself killed! What the hell happened to your arm?! Why didn't you stay close to the side!" Matthias ignored his rants and merely thought that it was a good thing that troll thing wasn't here as well, and how awesome (to quote his friend Gilbert) it was to be alive.

Lukas had come to save him after all! Voicing his thoughts as usual, he interrupted the Norwegian's tirade. "I thought you left.." he muttered. Lukas blinked, then looked away. "What did you think? I wasn't going to be blamed for your murder, either!" Matthias grinned slightly, then asked rather worriedly: "But wouldn't you miss me one tiny bit, eh, Norgie?"

Lukas rolled his eyes. "I've gotten used to you. And don't call me Norgie." Matthias, it seemed, took this for a "of-course-I-would-I-love-you-so-much-you're-aweso me", because he promptly asked: "So…gotopromwithme?" It took a moment for the petite boy to decipher this, then he groaned. "Please don't tell me you nearly died just for that." "OK, I won't!"

"_Dansk idiot_! You _utter _moron!"The Norwegian buried his face in his hands. "Fine! Yes! OK! Akkk!" The taller boy had seized him in some sort of weird bear hug, crushing his ribs. "You're dangerous as well! Let me go! Let me g-aaaahhhh nooooo!" Even Ice Queens like Lukas, it seemed, could be ticklish. "AHAHAHAHA! Let me g-AHAAA stooooop!" When the elder released him, he had tears in his eyes and was doubled up with laughter. Too exhausted too do anything but half-heartedly hit the Dane, he rolled over, the hint of a grin still lingering on his face, to look at the beaming student beside him.

"Haven't seen you laugh in ages, Lukas." Matthias stated, still happy as always. "Shut up," panted Lukas. "_Dansk idiot_."

* * *

**AHHHH I love them so much ;A;**

**Cliché, perhaps, but man, I love this chapter.**

**Reviews appreciated! Hope you liked it!**

* * *

Wass: what

Vennligst: please

Dansl idiot: Danish idiot


	9. Author's note!

**Sorry if you thought this was a chapter ! I just want to apologise for commiting that hated crime of publishing a story while working on another one! I am working on this one, don't worry, I just had an idea for my HP OTP stuck in my head and wrote it down…**

**Sorry again and new chapter soon!**

**The Author**


	10. Chapter 10-Uh oh, Gilbo!

**Ok, wow. Three months without updates. I APOLOGISE SO MUCH! I know that some of you actually read this, and I am sooo sorry! Thing is, I broke my arm on two different places, so I had the cast on for a month, then I had to catch up on all the schoolwork I'd missed, then I had exams for weeks…**

**A series of unfortunate events, basically! But I'm back, for a while at least, and though my new French teacher is killing me with homework, I will try to update regularly for you guys!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Arthur had went to sleep, vaguely troubled by the rumors of the antics his younger cousin/enemy/best friend had gotten up to, and because of this, had nightmares of Alfred jumping off cliffs because he thought he could fly, then having Matthew drown him in maple syrup.

The following day, when he woke up, Arthur suddenly realised just how many letters he had left, and started writing like crazy. It wasn't the job itself, it was just that it was part of the young Brit's personality to _always _complete a task. So in his rush, he half gave up trying to write bad letters. He just wrote and ticked off his list.

By the time he looked up from his list, he realised his classes started in half an hour. With a muttered curse, he jumped up and started speed dressing.

Arthur rushed down the stairs, hitting walls on the way, and screeched to a halt in front of the newspaper room. Checking both ways, he composed himself, slipped in, found the Aunty Agony box, and slipped the letters in. Humming the James Bond theme song, he exited the room. He was locking the door when he heard two voices behind him, making him jump. "…And so, I mean, I was GOING to ask him, but, eh, I don't know…Whaddya think, mate?" "I've told you already, James, y-Hey! What're you doing?"

James Kirkland, his distant cousin from Australia (They were all related in this school, for goodness' sake) and Adri Viljoen had come to a halt in front of him, two pairs of greens eyes boring into him. "I-uh-I…I was, uhm, simply checking in on the club. It _is _my duty after all, as head of the student council." Arthur improvised, gaining confidence as he went along. "Right.", said James, cracking his back as he stretched. "Well, I have free time right now, so I'll leave you this lovely lady to escort!", the tanned boy exclaimed, before he ran off, snickering, as Adri shouted: "I am SO kicking your ass at rugby later, you bleddie-". Well. Arthur didn't speak Afrikaans, but he was pretty sure it wasn't somehing nice.

So now, he was left to escort one of the people who could least stand him the least in the entire academy to class. At least he wasn't stuck with Scott, he thought mournfully, as he turned towards the fuming girl. Deciding to avoid conversation with her altogether, he was about to start walking when the "lovely lady" spoke up, startling him out of his thoughts.

"What do you think about this whole prom thing, then?" Arthur blinked, and turned, surprised, towards the younger student. "You heard me." She said, and continued walking. Arthur caught up, then paused. "Well...to be honest, I'm not too crazy about it. I mean, the whole concept is pretty old-fashioned. Can't everyone just go with whoever and not someone they apparently have a romantic feeling for?" Arthur said, feeling the need to be honest for some reason. Green eyes scrutinized him for a moment. "I'd have thought that with your gentlemanly ways, you would have been a fan.", the South African said, "But then again, you weren't exactly a gentleman back then, either, huh?". The cutting tone of her voice, and the sneer she wasn't bothering to hide didn't escape Arthur's attention.

Great. Well, he knew this was going to show up sometime. It always did. "Look, about then," he started, "I was pretty young and reckless and prehaps not the nicest person ever-" Adri cut him off, as always. "And so you _accidentally _slaughtered half of the Boers. Seems legitimate." They had reached their class by now, and she walked in just as the bell rang, long hair swishing as she went, leaving Arthur feeling centuries too old for his age.

* * *

_Aunty Agony, by Francis Bonnefoy_

_I would like to ask an amazing girl to prom. Two problems: one, she is my sister. Ok, so we're different here at Gakuen. Nations and all that. But still. Two: I think she wants to go with this total retard I absolutely detest. What should I tell her?_

_PS: You give me bad advice and I will kill you with your own shiny hair, Frenchy._

Dear Aggressive anonymous

Ask her. Tell her what you think, simply and clearly. If she says no, too bad. She'll still love you, she's your sister. About the guy she might go with, well, that's her choice. Just make it clear you don't like him, but that it's her choice.

Don't stop (le amour? La amour?) the love!

* * *

_Yo, bro! Gotta big problemo, dude! I, uhm, yeah, well, so basically someone toootttalllly unexpected just made da moves on me, and I am totally confused! I mean, I spent like the whole last night freaking out cos of this! And, I don't know, I…I mean…I…Besides, I don't even know what he meant by it?! Whaddo I do?!_

_Thanks!_

Dear confused "dude"

The first thing you have to do is TALK TO THIS PERSON. DO NOT RUIN YOUR FRIENDSHIP BECAUSE YOU'RE FEELING AKWARD. You'll feel much better if you can sort things out.

If the person did, indeed, intent to make "da moves" on you, the main question is if you return these feelings.

* * *

_Hi Francis, _

_So, have you found any advice for me that doesn't include doubtful and inappropriate things? something that might actually work with this person? I mean, what do you have that deals with aggressive/touchy/angsty/violent/confusing/adoooor abbblleeeee people?_

_Thanks XD_

Dear friend,

although you can always try my aforementioned excellent advice, I would suggest just going slow. Ask sweetly and romantically, nothing flashy and possibly embarrassing.

Keep it cute~

Francis

* * *

Exiting an exhausting Physics lesson, Arthur trudged down the halls. He brightened considerably when he spotted his friend Kiku Honda standing at the corner of the hall. " Kiku! Hello!" he exclaimed. The Japanese student gave a slight nod (his bowing habits still hadn't worn off, Arthur noted) and greeted him. "Hello, Arthur-senpai."

Arthur rolled his eyes. "I've told you, Kiku, you don't have to call me senpai, we've been friends for years!" Kiku smiled slightly. "Sorry. It's hard to get rid of old habits." "Yes, that's certainly the case of everyone in this school, seeing as they all hate me." Arthur muttered.

Kiku frowned. "What do you mean?" Arthur flushed,realising he had spoken out loud. "Oh, I just meant…We've all had issues with one another at one time or another here, but all my ex-colonies seem to hate my guts because of how I treated them." Having finished, the Briton soon realised what he had said. "Agh! Why do I keep calling them colonies?" He exclaimed, facepalming.

His friend merely coughed in hidden amusement, then replied: "Well, it is true that perhaps you didn't treat them very nicely. But you are also correct in stating that none of us are saints."

Arthur sighed. "I know, I know. But still…" The two set off towards the cafeteria, from which chatter was loudly emanating.

As they passed by a classroom, however, loud shrieks caught the thick-eyebrowed young man's attention. "DON'T TOUCH THAT, YOU PSYCHO!" "GIVE IT TO ME!" "NO! NEVER!" The questionable statements were followed by a loud crunch and a string of curses. Arthur, meeting Kiku's eyes, decided that for once, duty could wait. He was hungry. A sudden thought hit him, and he turned towards the shorter brunette: "say, Kiku? Is it true that Alfred and Matthew…"

* * *

Gilbert Beischmidt had had many unpleasant surprises in his life (namely, waking up to find the house on fire), but he was pretty sure that this one was a winner. He had barely exited his dorm, sleepy eyed and yawning, when his n1 enemy, Psycho Hungarian chick, had turned up and demanded he "cough it up".

The psycho in question, when asked about the "questionable state of her mental health", merely gave a sarcastic "haha, that's so funny", before stating that she knew he had something to do with her creepy obsession (those were his words).

Thinking back, he was pretty sure that he shouldn't have said "Sorry, I'm not into that, so you'll have to get a replacement for your-"Uhm. Yes. Francis would know what these terms meant.

Yes, he definitely shouldn't have said that, because now, he was cornered in an empty classroom with a murderous creature intent on doing god-knows-what to him.

Gilbert had grabbed his pockets in an attempt to find a weapon, but all he had found was a paper. "Great! Now the awesome me has to defend himself with an unawesome couple predicting paper!" he had whined. Then paused, as he realised too late what he had done.

The gleam in the Hungarian's eyes was enough to make any man turn and run. As she lunged forwards, Gilbert jumped to the floor, avoiding her arms as he made towards the door. Could he escape? He could! He could! He-

Gilbert crashed to the floor as Elizaveta's arms shot out to grab his legs. As she approached the moaning albino, Elizaveta cackled evilly. "C'mon, Gilbert," she cooed, "give the paper…". But the Prussian was smarter than he looked.

"Come any closer and I'll rip it." Gilbert's voice echoed eerily as he looked his enemy in the eyes. She cursed mentally, suddenly remembering what a brilliant strategist he was (though she would never tell him that). "H-hey, don't be hasty!" She exclaimed. "You don't want to rip that!"

Gilbert, however, shrugged. "Why? I don't have any interest for that stuff." Elizaveta was beginning to panic. Seizing the opportunity, he started talking. "Let's make a deal, Elizaveta…"

She stared at him, brain whirring. "What deal?" "If I let you look at this paper, then you have to…" There was a pause as he thought. Here was a golden opportunity to ask whatever he wanted from her! A sudden idea flashed through his head. He smirked.

"Then you have to refuse to go to prom with Roderich, and you can't tell him why." Elizaveta stared at him, then her bottle green eyes widened. A flash of anger went through her eyes, and with a growl, she threw herself at Gilbert. "DON'T TOUCH THAT, YOU PSYCHO!" Gilbert yelped, barely managing to avoid her hands as they reached for the paper. "GIVE IT TO ME!" Eliza seethed, lunging again as Gilbert jumped aside, going "NO! NEVER!". Suddenly, a flash went through his eyes, and with a grin he raised the paper above his head.

Elizaveta felt like strangling him. Damn these tall Germans! So she stood there, watching in agony as the Prussian waved his arms above his head. Her heart clenched.

"Fine." She breathed, regretting it, and not quite believing it herself. Disbelief was etched across Gilbert's face. "What?" he asked, sure he misheard that. "I SAID FINE! Now let me see!" Elizaveta snapped, cheeks colouring rapidly. Gilbert lowered his arms slowly. "Promise?" he asked carefully. Elizaveta looked at him. "Promise". Gilbert smiled fleetingly, and then smirked. She would never break her promise. Between Eliza and Gil, one thing never broken was a promise. It had been that way since they were kids, and it would never change.

So Gilbert handed her the list as she avidly scanned it, memorizing names and squealing in delight at some. As she neared the end of the page, however, Gilbert grabbed it away. Elizaveta scowled. "You've had your time!" the albino exclaimed, pocketing the paper. "Besides, for all you know it doesn't even actually predict couples."

The brunette scoffed. "Please. Feliks and Toris, Alfred and Matthew, Matthias and Lukas…That's too many to be a coincidence." Gilbert gawped. "NO WAY! Matthias finally got him?!" Elizaveta sighed. "Honestly, you don't even know that by now?" Her senior only pouted. "I, unlike you, have awesomer things to do than stalk my friends for questionable motives."

"Shut up!" she exclaimed, hitting the "Prussian" on the head. "I'll have you notice that you're the only member of the so-called "Awesome trio" to not have a date yet!" Gilbert gave an "ack!" of surprise, then tried to cover his hurt ego by snorting. "Well, the awesome I have my reasons to not have a date yet. Just you wait!" With that, he stumbled out of the room, laughing his annoying laugh and leaving Elizaveta to charge to the newspaper club with her scoop.

"Thanks, Gilbert," she thought wryly.

But as she raced up the stairs, she collided with a tall person. Mumbling apologies, she looked up to find a well-known poker face staring at her. Stuttering in surprise, she managed a:"Mr Beilschmidt?!"

The father of the Germanics was back from the dead.

* * *

**Wow, that was long! Hope you liked it, I find it kind of meh, but anyway…**

**Yes, meet Germania! The poor guy wishes he had a normal kid T.T**

**Reviews are my life XD**


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